My sister...

I was just thinking about me and my sister. We have a very...complicated relationship. She thinks she knows all there is to know about me, but she actually has never taken the time to dig a little deeper past the outer surface. I'm a girl, so yes it's true that I hide a lot. Maybe more than some people know. I have feelings that rush through me like water and in an instant are gone. I have little pet peeves, small things that annoy me that probably shouldn't annoy me as Meghan and Rachel point out. =)

But there are deeper things in me. I have passions, dreams, sorrows, and burdens. I've hurt some people, but people have hurt me too. My sister hurts me a lot, not phiscally, but emotionally. She doesn't understand me but she thinks she does which makes her assume things that aren't true about me. And I know that she has told some other people things about me. But she doesn't really know anything.

I have hated my sister. I have felt like punching her and I'm sure if I was a boy I would have by now. =) But I'm a girl so I've been afraid to. I've been afraid of a lot. I used to be afraid of stairs without railings and with openings underneath. But mostly I'm afraid of feelings. Sometimes I hide from my feelings or other peoples.

I've handled a lot of things the wrong way I know that, but the thing I kept telling myself is live and learn. That doesn't help very much when you're hurting inside. My sister doesn't know I hurt inside. She thinks I'm so full of it, that I'm always confident and I'm selfish. Well yes sometimes I am selfish, but so is she. And everyone is. It's life.

My sister has made me cry a lot before but I've decided tonight not to let her anymore. I know she's going to keep hurting me but I am not going to run to my bed and throw my self on it and cry. No, I'm going to run to my heavenly father and throw myself in his arms. I've made a lot of mistakes this summer, and the summer's before that. And I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for those mistakes, I'm sorry for anyone that's gotten hurt, and I'm sorry that my sister and I don't love each other like sister's should. But I just want to say that I'm going to move on, and I'm not going to dwell on my mistakes anymore, because my savior forgives me. Even if my sister....and some others, don't.

I want to be happy, so after this post I'm going to be. I've kept some things inside for too long and I need to let them out. You don't have to comment about anything of this, I just needed...to let it go.